Self-awareness is key

When we hear the word abuse, we most likely think of physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Most of us seldom associate the word “abuse” with “spiritual,” yet it is a reality that we need to face and grapple with.

The basic point is that all forms of abuse have their roots in an abuse of power, and therefore can apply to all spheres of life.

Human beings cannot be separated into pieces, even though we often make the mistake of looking just at the physical or psychological dimensions. Two areas that are so closely related—at times it is extremely difficult to distinguish between them—are the psychological and the spiritual.

Nowhere is power greater than when it is associated with the divine. Spiritual counseling, support groups and spiritual movements are all intended for the good of others. However, when spiritual abuse occurs, it affects not only the psychological well-being of the person, but touches on the theological dimension as well. The very notion of God and religion comes into play. Theology, including the authoritativeness of its teachings, is challenged.

Spiritual abuse of power occurs when pressure is used, or fear is instilled in a person, and establishes a dependency on a superior. This is then used to control the person, invoking religious principles and one’s spiritual authority. In the process, religious superiors end up being identified with the voice of God, and this creates confusion. 

Spiritual power is being abused when: 

• A religious superior believes he or she is expressing the voice of God
• A subordinate confuses the voice of a superior with the voice of God
• Both succumb to this confusion.

Spiritual neglect

Spiritual neglect occurs when people fail to receive the support they need to develop well spiritually. This can happen for example when young people receive only one interpretation regarding God, life and vocational issues, the evangelical counsels (the vows), etc.

This happens when only one manner, one possibility, one interpretation is permitted. Failing to offer adequate theological education can play an important role in this, which is made worse by forbidding reading other authors.

Allowing different interpretations to be discussed and explored permits the person in formation to choose and decide, taking responsibility for their own decisions.

Spiritual manipulation

The movement from neglect to manipulation takes place when superiors urge their subordinates to make a certain decision. For example, they make someone feel guilty if they don’t obey to the letter, while at the same time manipulating the situation in such a way that the person believes they have made the decision.

Spiritual manipulation occurs when:

• A spirituality or power is used to delegitimize an individual’s perceptions or feelings. The superior considers their uncertainties and doubts as unjustified. 
• There is a need to be always happy. Only expressions of joy and contentment are allowed. Doubts and insecurities, instead, are taboo.
• Suffering and the cross are mistakenly interpreted.
• A person’s feelings and abilities are subtly devalued by comparing them to other members of the community who are considered “better,” combined with an accusation that one is not humble enough.
• Dependency is created and ends up violating the person’s conscience.

Spiritual violence

Spiritual violence occurs when the will of a person is broken and made to submit to a spiritual leader. For example, they are prohibited to maintain important relationships with family and friends, or their privacy is violated when others read their mail or messages.

Another kind of spiritual violence happens when a confidence said in private is made public knowledge.

One can even be forced to undergo a medical treatment under the guise of obedience. In fact, obedience is often used as a means for manipulation. It becomes acceptable to violate a person’s integrity.

How to spot abuse

Spiritual abuse, just like other forms of abuse of power, occurs where the person in a position of authority has certain personality characteristics, and a system exists that permits this form of abuse to continue. Rigidity, strict behavioral norms, absence of dialogue are fertile ground for abuse.

Where submission to authority is highly valued and there are no mechanisms in place to limit the power of people in positions of authority, when criticism is permitted only from the top down, in communities where members who are critical are emarginated or eliminated—in all of these circumstances and more, spiritual abuse is likely to be present.

How do you see authority?

Abuse always takes place in the context of a relationship. The way a person acts in different situations and in different relationships depends on many factors: personality, culture, life experiences and, in the case of abuse, how one perceives authority.

Many people change in significant ways when they are given a position of authority. Often it is not an improvement! To avoid abusive exercise of authority in relationships, self-awareness is a necessary tool for anyone assuming a leadership position. Knowing one’s personality type can help avoid the abuses mentioned above. The following list of personality types is not meant as a way to label people, but rather to be used as a source of personal reflection. It is based on the work of Wilhelm Reich.

The analytical type of person works best alone, has a great capacity for abstract thinking and good observational skills. This person may appear reserved and has trouble expressing emotions. As a leader they may have trouble delegating and trusting collaborators.

The communicator, instead, needs to have people around, since relationships are very important to them. They depend on the opinions of others for making decisions and have trouble dealing with criticism. These are the people who have trouble saying “no.” As leaders, they are cordial and affectionate, always ready to help. They may have trouble making difficult decisions and depend on the encouragement they get from the others.

The executive is often successful and very convincing in a dialogue. They want to make decisions and can bring out the abilities of others. While often considered to be good leaders, they usually prefer to work alone and are efficient. However, they may be easily offended and may get angry unexpectedly.

Other types include the trustworthy, the perfectionist and the expressive types. Each one has some characteristics that are positive and others that are problematic when placed in positions of authority.

How we can avoid spiritual abuse

The key, as mentioned previously, is self-awareness. Our goal is to avoid abusive situations of all sorts, and to do this with the awareness that everyone has their faults. There is no perfect superior.

Alfred Adler, a famous psychoanalyst from last century, wrote specifically about the danger of placing people with an inferiority complex in leadership positions.

Spiritual abuse is a reality that needs to be addressed, but it’s not inevitable. Recognizing this is the first step.

Open communication and increased self-awareness on the part of everyone in a community is also essential. Accepting our limitations is freeing personally and helps to equip us to handle authority figures as well as to be an authority figure.