When time is at a premium

If you are a working parent, or a parent to several children, you’ll know how precious each minute of the day is and how time really is scarce!

The weekdays are a conveyor belt of meals and commutes, bath times and bed. The weekends often seem to be even more chaotic: sports, parties, visitors and more!

So it is completely understandable that, even if you have the very best intentions of being a playful parent, you may be feeling at a loss as to how can you actually find the time to play with your child.

Here are my top tips and ways to create micro-moments of play within your day.

Use the time that you already have

There are certain jobs that parents simply must do, the non-negotiables of life, such as feeding your children, cleaning them and making sure that they, and you, have the opportunity to sleep.

A really good tip, and an effective use of your time, is to take a moment to consider how you may be able to build playfulness into these existing moments to make them feel less like chores and more like opportunities to connect and enjoy each other.

If you’re cooking a meal with a little one hanging off your leg, give them a pan and spoon with a handful of dry pasta and let them “cook” alongside you.

Chat together about what you’re making and see if you can have some fun with it. Perhaps you can put on some music and dance around the kitchen for a few minutes while the kettle boils? Maybe you could sing a song together or make up a story by saying a line each (with hilarious consequences!).

Those few minutes can be great vehicles for micro-moments of connection, and if achieved frequently, these moments hold just as much importance and power in terms of connecting with your family and playing together.

Choose quality over quantity

At the times that you are able to play, or able to build a moment of playfulness with your children, make it count—put your phones away just for a few minutes, close the laptop and clear away all distractions. Real connections are made with focus and commitment and are much more valuable than hours of play when you are not fully present.

We live in a technology-driven society, and our addictions to our devices are completely normalized. Our children are growing up in a very different environment to the one in which we did.

Although this technological shift is still relatively new, studies have already shown that the hyper-connectivity that adults have, the ability to be contactable 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, is a huge distraction from parent-child activities and relationships.

If we are playing with our child but turn our attention away to check a text message or email, then our child will feel the need to vie for our attention, which in some more extreme cases can lead to risk-taking behavior.

It is also worth remembering that our children’s futures will most likely also have this level of connectivity. They watch our habits and relationships with technology, and this helps form their own future habits and relationships.

Focus on connection rather than content

So often I hear people worry that they don’t know how to do “proper” play (they mean ‘Instagram-worthy’ play). Elaborate play set ups with complicated and pre-determined learning outcomes and expensive Montessori-inspired toys do not equal better quality play.

The purpose of play is to enable a child to explore, learn and discover the world around them. By creating a warm, safe, and mutually encouraging environment you enhance this experience tenfold.

Yes those toys and play setups are beautiful, and so if they bring you joy then by all means embrace them, but do not feel pressure to provide them for your child.

There is nothing that a Grimms rainbow can do that some regular third generation wooden blocks can’t do just as well!

Don’t listen to that voice comparing you to an account on social media with millions of followers, listen to your child and let them lead you. By being child-led, you’ll have much more success in your playtime together, even if they are micro-moments, because your child will be engaged and invested, rather than you spending time encouraging them to try something that you think they might enjoy.

You don’t have to be everything to everyone all of the time

If you don’t enjoy a certain style of play, you don’t have to do that with your child. It’s more than okay to say no and suggest another activity instead.

If you are someone who really does not enjoy crafting, for example, you may end up resenting or even dreading time spent with your child if this is all you do together.

It’s a life skill to create a network of people who meet different needs for you, and childhood is as good a time as any to learn this. Nursery may be the place where your child crafts, Grandma’s house may be where they do messy play, and you may be their number one small world playmate.

I believe that parents are enduring a form of post-pandemic hangover, still recovering from being thrown into the roles of teacher, daycare provider, entertainer and playmate, all while simultaneously trying to hold onto our previous roles of employer or employee, partner, parent, sibling, child and friend.

This blurring of roles meant that for a while we did have to be everything to everyone, but this is no longer the case. Give yourself permission to reclaim the roles you want and let go of the others.

To conclude, identify the moments that you already have, and enjoy them with full focus. Consider the quality of the moment rather than the play content, and don’t beat yourself up.

We are living in a busy and fast-paced society, and time is at a premium. Give yourself permission to slow down and live in the present moment, even if it’s a micro-moment, as that’s precisely how children live.

“Motherhood has taught me the meaning of living in the moment and being at peace,” says Jessalyn Gilsig. “Children don’t think about yesterday, and they don’t think about tomorrow. They just exist in the moment.”